Mom’s always saying beggars shouldn’t be choosers, and you shouldn’t look a gift horse in the mouth, and you should pay rent or move the fuck out or at least stop eating all my barbecue chips and government cheese. At least the porn ads are honest about what they’re pushing, but I already spent my allowance on some new perfume for my girlfriend.Spam is a really typical thing to bitch about on any site that gives out free wank material, but on Rule34Hentai, you can’t see any good shit until scrolling past the bullshit. We drink mayonnaise when we’re thirsty and I bathe with a rag on a stick. Their motto is “We Just Wanna Fap”, but “We Just Wanna Spam” would be just as accurate.Even with my ad-blocker enabled, the whole page is fucking covered in easy women and neighborhood whores, but there’s no way any of these pretty ladies live in my neck of the woods. ![]() There’s a shitty logo that looks at least a decade older than this old site, and it sits on a background the color of my mom’s back scabs that never quite heal. I’ve got a lot of valuable first-edition anime and Japanese schoolgirl vagina simulators still in the original packaging, but much of it is lost beneath a sea of cat hair, dirty laundry, old food packaging, and the soda bottles I’ve been pissing in when mom’s hogging the pot.What I’m saying is the layout is ugly. It reminds me a lot of my bedroom, actually. This is my kind of site for my kind of people and I am not ashamed! Video Game Sex Pics with a Side of SpamĪs much as I love the World of Warcraft fan art of Draenei bitches fucking their own blue twats with their own dildo-snake tails, the overall presentation of Rule34Hentai is pretty fucked up. It just isn’t fucking fair, but I don’t feel that overwhelming sense of self-disgust and shame when I’m masturbating to My Little Pony furry porn. The Aristocrats!You know, most porn sites get my little nub all hard but I end up crying about how well-endowed the studs are and how they can actually interact with real, live women without anxiety vomiting all over their beautiful feet. The front page is an endlessly updated stream of Disney princesses sucking cock and anime babes doing double-anal, triple-vaginal, and quadruple tentacle airtight acrobatics. This year alone, I’ve touched my withered and filthy genitals while perusing dirty pictures of gender-swapped Pokemon experimenting with golden showers, Marge Simpson watching while Homer and Bart stuff Lisa’s tight yellow holes, and Mario and Luigi finger-cuffing princess peach while holding the bitch down on a warp pipe.Rule34Hentai doesn’t have any kind of monopoly on everything-based smut, but they do have a fucking ton of it. ![]() Everything you can think of has been sexed up and stuck online. Of all the net’s deviate beauty, it’s Rule 34 that has brought me the most joy.Rule 34 is simple: There is porn of it. People ask me where I’m from and I tell them here the web is the only place I’ve ever felt remotely comfortable, the only place I could ever call home. The Internet is full of all kinds of shit for maladjusted neckbeards living rent-free with mom years into their forties. I’m not a fat, disheveled basement-dwelling creep, mom! Lots of normal people flick their ding-dongs to CG werewolf sex and erotic stomach-inflation drawings. ![]() See, mom? This is the typical stuff dudes around the world look at to get a stiffy. These fuckers get like 10 million visits a month, which makes me feel so much fucking better about masturbating to this image of Mercy from Overwatch getting brutally raped by reptile cock. That’s about three decades by my math, but I was dropped on my head a lot as a baby. Reading hentai’s no big thing anymore, is it? I spent the morning gawking at X-rated Naruto footjob cartoons while nursing a cat scratch to the testicles, letting Rule34Hentai be my guide, and honestly, it was some of the most normal shit I’ve done all has been around since 2007. Then I figured out I was actually a weirdo for a bunch of other reasons, like how I scratch my asshole with a pipe cleaner and lube up the ol’ johnson with cat food to entice a stray lick from one of mom’s half-feral beasts. Rule 34 Hentai! There was a time when I thought jacking off to comic books meant I was some kind of weirdo.
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